My servant, Anne Elisabeth, keeps a bowl of treasures in the Yellow Bathroom.
(Note: when I use articles such as "the," you may assume that I mean "my." One does not like to come across as greedy . . . nevertheless, do not forget it. "The" = "My". Thank you.)
As I was saying, Anne Elisabeth keeps a bowl of treasure in the (see note) Yellow Bathroom. They are little and sparkly, sitting all snug in a glass candy dish. Observe:
But will Anne Elisabeth let me have them? Even one? Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
Proving just how wretched she is.
I have to sneak into the (see note) Yellow Bathroom. She keeps the door shut most of the time, trying to keep the (see note) treasures from me. But sometimes, she forgets. Like the other night, when she went to bed and didn't shut the bathroom door hard enough for the door to latch. I love it when she does that!
That's when I wait, so patiently, until 3:00 am. Then I push the door open and I creep up to the treasures.
See! I have found them!
Come to me, my beauties!
I steal them one at a time, and I bat them across the bathroom floor, under the toilet, under the sink, under the rug. I have so many hiding places!
But no matter when I do it, my human always hears me. And she comes storming down the hallway, saying, "MINERVA LOUISE! Bad kitty! Why must you be so evil?"
"Who? Me?"
Anne Elisabeth takes all the treasures away from me, because she's mean like that, and keeps them all for herself. It's really too wretched for words!
But you know what? It's my new most favoritest way to get her attention. Every time I take a treasure, she comes stomping and shouting, and then I say, "Meeew?" in my sweetest voice. And she always ends up petting me!
Humans are so gullible sometimes.
Minerva Louise: It is truly an honor to read how deftly you devise your evil plans! I am a dog, and do not usually take kindly to cats, but you! You are amazing! I wonder if you would be willing to advise me in a plan to steal a Hershy's Kiss from on top of my humans table. Just one...at first so my human doesn't notice...are you game?
ReplyDeleteDog: The depths of my cunning and pure elegance and sophistication of my plotting are far beyond the comprehension of a mere canine. That being said, your humble and honest admiration for my amazingnesses has moved me. Therefore, I will deign to answer your question.
ReplyDeleteI recommend, firstly, distracting your human by displays of pure innocence. The more guileless you may appear, the better. I am told dogs possess attributes known as "puppy-dog eyes." Is this true? If so, make use of them (we kitties purr, but I am told you dogs are not so gifted, so you'll have to make do with the eyes).
After your human is thoroughly convinced of your adorability, the rest is easy. Wait until their back is turned, leap up onto the table (though I am told you dogs are not so agile as we kitties, this should still be managable), and take the treat of your choice.
For me, of course, the game is much more about GETTING ATTENTION than stealth. After all, what is the fun of being naughty if you aren't caught?