Wednesday, December 21, 2011

This is How Christmas Works

I know all about Christmas. This year is my third Christmas, so I am something of an expert by now. I know all about taking good care of the Christmas tree. First, I help Anne Elisabeth to decorate:

 I show her which balls to put on the tree.
 Then I tell her where I want her to put them. This year, the Minion helped. I had to teach him the right way, after all.

Once everything is where it should be, I have Anne Elisabeth hold me up so I can give it all a proper inspection.
She did okay! Not great, but okay. You take what you can get from these humans after all.

Then, when that chore is complete, Marmaduke and I go through all the boxes to be certain nothing was missed.
 It's only Marmaduke's second Christmas, so you can't expect him to handle all of this on his own.

At last, when everything is in place, we have to give it a test-drive.

This is a good Christmas tree.

But, you know, a kitty must be careful and take good care of a Christmas tree. Make sure those branches are carefully chewed every so often, etc.

It's hard work, but someone's got to do it!

Do take a moment to admire the elegant sweep of my incomparable tail. Thank you.

My favorite part of Christmas, however, is the presents! I know all about how presents work! It's like this: Anne Elisabeth puts a bunch of packages with interesting ribbons and tags under the tree. I inspect them all:

And then I pick the one I like best. I pick . . . this one!

This is now my present.

It is beautiful, and it has a red bow, and it is mine. Isn't it the most best of all the presents you have ever seen?

Wait a minute.

What did you just say, Anne Elisabeth?


Label? What label?

Oh, that label. Who cares about labels anyway? They are purely subjective!

You just want all the Christmas presents to yourself, don't you Anne Elisabeth?

Bad, bad human. No.

She is so selfish sometimes. And at Christmas, too! What happened to peace and goodwill toward men, I'd like to know?

"All right, Minion, on the count of three, ATTACK. And remember, go for the throat."

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