"I'm perfectly nice to visitors. They pet me," I reply.
"Oh, I don't mean regular visitors," says she. "I mean all the little visitors. Like the kittens who come to stay. Or the new Mama-kitty. Those kinds of visitors."
Just in case you, dear reader, for some inexplicable reason side with Anne Elisabeth, allow me here to make my case against little visitors.
For one thing, little visitors often don't prove to be visitors at all. Some of them never go away.
Take this one, for instance. Two years ago, almost exactly, Anne Elisabeth plopped this "little visitor" down in my house and said, "Isn't he cute?"
Isn't he WHAT???
I was, as you may well imagine, horrified!
I am horrified.
Up until that moment, I had always been the resident Bitty Kitty. And I saw absolutely no reason for that status to change!
Ye gads! Even my phaser eyes have no affect on this one!
The wretched thing didn't even have the courtesy to be duly terrified by its new surroundings. It settled right in that very evening and made itself at home in MY home!
Oh my gosh! It's GROOMING! How dreadful . . .
And then, to pour oil on the fire, it decided it wanted to take MY crinkle ball!
Little Visitor: "Hello! Sharing is a GOOD thing!"
Me: "No it's not!"
Then it decided that we ought to be friends!
Little Visitor: "I just loooove you!"
But being (as you will have guessed by now) Maramduke in miniature form, this particular Little Visitor decided to fall madly in love with me. And I found myself suddenly stuck with a reddish-brown shadow.
Me: "Stinky litterboxes! I can't even sleep in my own chair anymore."
Marmaduke: "I love you!"
Me: "Doesn't matter if I move to the couch. It follows me."
Marmaduke: "I love the couch!"
Me: "Really, kid, can you give me some space?"
Marmaduke: "I love you soooooo much!"
Me: "Are you going to follow me everywhere?"
Marmaduke: "I love the WHOLE WORLD!"
Yeah. So that's how that Little Visitor turned out. Can you see why I'm not so happy-jolly-purry to see them when they come stopping by? What with Marmaduke, then the Minion, then that Thing, you just can't trust them to Go Away!
But, really, I do make an effort. Seriously, I do! The other day, while Rohan was grooming that Thing, we had a very strange little visitor indeed.
Oh, my goodness me! Is that ANOTHER dog?
I rolled around very cutely in an effort to be charming. I even showed it my phaser eyes!
And there it sat, looking stupid. So impolite.
I eventually had to run up and rend it to pieces for being so dull, and Anne Elisabeth was obliged to sweep up its remains. Take that, Little Vistor!
Then yesterday, we had a Little Visitor of an entirely different breed . . . the kind known as The Human Toddler.
Even Marmaduke was intimidated by this one:
"I love you . . . from back here!"
But, as surpreme dictator of Rooglewood, I did my best as hostess to entertain the wee one. I did!
From a respectful distance, mind. Those Toddlers are quicker than you think!
Have I made my compelling case to you, dear furry friends everywhere? Is it not unjust of Anne Elisabeth to expect more of me? Are not the Little Visitors among the greater terrors of the known world?